How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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