He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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