any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
