I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
