at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
