At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
