someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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