Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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