You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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