kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
