Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
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