My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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