she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
how does that bad decision feel?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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