well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
