final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
