I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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