And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
