My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
