he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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