Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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