You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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