I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
