Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
