my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
