I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
