I accidentally had phone sex last night
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
