Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
