If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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