I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
our cab driver is having phone sex.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
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