if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
