If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
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