Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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