Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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