Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Randomize
