I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
