I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
