onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
