I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
