i would one night stand the shit outta him
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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