Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It's official drugs can't kill me
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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