Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
