my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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