She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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