i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
