i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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