He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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