I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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