He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
