The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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