so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
