You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
