i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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