You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Randomize
