Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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