Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
