i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
