she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
