guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
