the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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