i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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