If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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