Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
