Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
