Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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