I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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