I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
