Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
