The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
