I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
