if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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