Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
