did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
where are my pants?
in the oven.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
