too bad you live with your parents still
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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