Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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