What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
